What
People Are Really Interested In & How to Win Friends
Peter Murphy
A lot of your people
problems and concerns about what other people think will fade into the
background when you understand one crucial reality.
Most people are interested
in you only to the extent they can get something from you.
I know this sounds
harsh. Bear with me a moment while I explain.
Apart from your family
and closest friends most other people see you as either a hindrance or
as a means to getting what they want.
If you can help them
get what they want they will smile at you, say you are wonderful and do
whatever they can to keep you happy and available in the future.
On the other hand
if you stop being a means to the fulfillment of their needs these very
same people may well shun you, insult you and have nothing to do with
you.
Let me give you an
example. You meet someone special and you date. Things progress and a
few weeks later you are both in love and life has never been better. You
are the center of the universe for that person and whatever you desire
is immediately granted with a smile.
Fast forward three
months and the same person is screaming down the phone at you, saying
how useless you are and never to call again! What happened? How could
something so good go so wrong?
In very simple terms
you went from satisfying the other persons emotional needs to not satisfying
them. And the extreme change in how they treat you is because of what
I said at the beginning of this article:
Most people are interested
in you only to the extent they can get something from you.
Whereas in the early
days of the relationship you attended to all of the other persons needs
as time passed you grew complacent and things slipped to the point that
key needs went unsatisfied.
At one point you were
the answer to this persons prayers but now you serve no purpose in this
persons life hence the anger and annoyance.
How can you use this
insight?
1. Be alert to the
unspoken demands the people in you life place on you. And understand that
your relationships depend on the meeting of these underlying needs.
2. If you want to
be free of a relationship that is limiting you then stop offering the
demanded input whether that be advice, time, acceptance or any other resource
or support.
Be ready for fireworks
though since your input will often be taken for granted until you withdraw
it.
3. Realize that when
you feel self conscious there is no need to be since most people are preoccupied
being self conscious themselves!
And as far as they
are concerned you are a means to an end. If John Friend phones you to
go to the cinema it is so he will enjoy your company and to avoid looking
silly going there alone.
Of course the same
applies to you and I. And it is the mutual filling of needs that underpins
interactions, friendships and business relationships.
To sum up. We all
want something from each other usually we are looking to fill emotional
needs and this is the way the world is. Once you accept this you can use
this understanding to look for what people want from you and then meet
their needs.
If you do this effectively
you will never be short of friends and people keen to spend time with
you.
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