In the following
piece Brian Maloney explores why someone's self esteem can seem
to depend on the person he or she is having a relationship with.
He looks at the opposite to this too, when someone believes that
other people need you, and he then explores where true inner strength
Do We Know When A Relationship Has A Future?
by Brian Maloney
Why is it that
depending on others to fulfill our self worth is a concept that
we all can relate to? Sacrificing what our thoughts, emotions, decisions,
and likes or dislikes are, for the betterment of someone elseís.
It is as if
depending on the other person who you hold so high is more fulfilling
then standing alone, independent of the other. Itís root resides
in a past when a person didnít realize they really had wings that
could fly. Therefore, for fear of abandonment, they suppressed their
own self worth, avoided confrontation, and then continued to please
who they were dependent upon.
the counterdependent person who has someone codependent towards
them, is pretending that they donít need anyone else and have concluded
that people only need them.
and counterdependency are an internal defense systems that shield
and protect from past wounds of abandonment. They both are dysfunctional
and lead the codependent person down a tattered road of unfulfillment
and eventually depression.
could be said that all of us are, to some degree, dependent upon
others because, after all, we are social creatures who inevitably
need each other in some capacity.
it saps your very core of enjoying the gift of life God gave you,
then the sun never rises and the darkness only gets darker.
We came into
this world alone and we will also leave that way!
comes from a true respect and love for yourself, no matter what
the situation or condition is. Although, deep within many of our
wounded souls, that love is not strong and therefore self respect
is not properly attained.
This is where
your deep-seated self-worth is obtained and how you perceive yourself.
In addition, it is the weakened aura you emit to others see you
that is not totally erect, but somewhat wilted.
Many of our
true societal problems, whether they are insecurity, control issues,
codependency, addictions, manipulative personality disorder, seclusion,
or simple anger, stemmed from a lack of self love, self worth, and
self respect. Hence, people replace one problem for the another!
If you are lonely
inside and do not feel as though you can love the real you, then
any and all subsequent relationships will feel that same inner turmoil
until your inside is truly loved!
problems listed above can intertwine, commingle and cross each otherís
boundaries in a very insidious manner.
There is not
one issue more serious than the other, they are more or less on
an equal plane and being dependent on another, is certainly no exception.
By not allowing
oneís self-worth to be determined by anotherís perceptions, by not
feeling that being loved by another is conditional on living up
to the expectations of others, or merely pleasing them, is absolutely
critical to healthy functioning!
accountability for the way you feel instead of others making that
discerning determination allows you to be self dependent, kicks
out the crutch, and makes you stand alone.
As scary as
that may seem to some, it is by far the best way to perceive your
self-worth. Trusting that you can own your own emotions, whether
they are anger, happiness, setting boundaries, or leaving, is how
we can come to the serene life we always dreamed of as a child.
and self-adjustments for the better can be made! It takes a personal
acceptance and a subsequent love for yourself: then the fragile
person previously tethering by a string, is now firmly tied unto
itself, immersed in self confidence and independent, not codependent.
Maloney - ValuePrep.com
improve your personal values? Get high-quality-relationship
advice from a 'Logical' standpoint. Visit http://valueprep.com
Ezine editors / Site Owners**
to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on
your website as long as you leave all links in place, do not
modify the content and include our resource box as listed
the search box top right to search the international database for
people to get to know. Alternatively, if you would like to
browse the dating ads click
here. Find dating advice go to: Dating